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Man Finds Meaning

Man Finds Meaning
Divorce, especially with kids, is one of the most painful things a man can experience.

1. Give him some TIME (it doesn't take much, and it's massively appreciated)

2. Give him some TOOLS (practical advice or resources)

3. Don't just say "Move on"

We don't need much, and we don't want to be a burden on anyone.

But knowing someone cares means more than you can know.

---

Why most therapists do not understand male depression: 
(Chris Williamson interviewing Adam Lane Smith)
https://youtu.be/5yyWlp6sTv0
How to Support a Male Friend Going Through a Divorce.
How to Support a Man Going Through a Divorce
I inherited these very old books when my grandad died. They've been sitting in a box for 20 years, waiting for the 'perfect' space, home, bookcase.. I don't know.

And today's the day.

Putting them out feels like I'm honouring him. And that this is finally my home.
Putting Out My Grandfather's Antique Books.
Last night, putting my three year old daughter to bed, she cried for her mum. 

She stays with me every other weekend, and understandably doesn't feel that my home is her home.

As her mum (Lucy) is away snowboarding and we couldn't call her, she wanted a video call with Lucy's partner (Elke).
And when she spoke to her, her whole demeanor changed.

It stings when this happens. 

But I can either ruminate and get upset, or frame it in a constructive way.

I'm sharing this because it's a real challenge that many men come up against. And the right mindset is important for moving forwards.
When Your Child Prefers Your Ex's Partner to You.. (How to Process It)
Divorce hits men really hard. Your world falls apart and it feels like there's nothing you can do.

This is my reflection, eight months after separation, on the impact divorce has on men's mental health and what helped me get through it.

I was with my wife for ten years and married for seven. We have a three-year-old daughter.

The hardest part was feeling powerless and that I'd failed my little girl.

Life is getting better now, but it took a while to start turning around.

If you are in a similar position, I want you to know that it does get better. There is hope. You will build your life again, and even be happy.

You are not alone.

Mike
Surviving Divorce for Men: 8 Months In.
Met my soon to be ex-wife on the beach to talk about things, the lies she told, how it hurt me, and hopefully find some common ground.

We thrashed it out, there were tears and angry words. Then understanding and the beginning of reconnection.

Then a storm started and I invited her back to see my place for the first time. We sat up talking, then laughing, then dancing, and it was like reconnecting with an old and trusted friend.

It was beautiful.

It feels like an important turning point and the beginning of healing and moving on.
Divorce 023: An Unexpected Reconciliation!
We moved out of our family home three months ago, and it's been a pretty dark time. Feel like I'm starting to come out of it now, and I've just moved into my new flat.

I found out quite recently that my wife already has a new partner, a girlfriend (I knew she was bisexual), but I didn't think it would happen so quickly.

She originally lied and told me they didn't start seeing each other until we moved out, which I'd asked her not to as it would only make a painful situation much worse.

Then the truth came out that they'd been seeing each other for months, and my daughter had met her several times. They've been on holiday together since the move, which I found out from a Facebook photo.

It was hurtful to hear. And I e been quite angry about it.

I have really have tried to see it from her point of view as well. In her mind we were separated so it didn't matter. 

But I still feel like I've been taken for a fool. 

So, in an hour we're meeting up on the beach to talk things through. I hope it leads to some kind of reconciliation.
Divorce 022: About To Talk With My Wife About Her Lies.
We split up two weeks ago. I'm now living 15 minutes away from my wife and daughter, who I see twice a week and every other weekend.

She's been really clingy recently, not like her at all, especially when we try to drop her off at her new nursery. wouldn't let me leave.

The manager suggested just going and getting past it. But given all the disruption in her life recently that just seems too much. 

If only the best way forward was obvious. I know people will have their opinion, but when it's your own kid it's very hard.
Divorce 021: The Effect On Our Daughter
Finally got a moving date. Moving out in three days.

Easy to get melancholic and ruminate about all the memories we've made here, but it's better to think about what's ahead.

Anyway, I'm feeling pretty good - at least compared to a few month or even weeks ago.

Stopped drinking again, which has helped a lot. Feeling healthier and more confident.

Been doing some personal and professional development work, building the picture of who I want to be, and also learning new skills to keep my enthusiasm up at work.
Divorce 020: Feeling Ok, Ready To Move On
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"How about your heroic willingness to encounter the unknown and articulate it, and share that with people?

There's no nobler vision than that."

Dr Jordan B. Peterson

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