Man Finds Meaning

Man Finds Meaning
Me and my wife are separating, we're waiting for the house to be sold. Last night she got upset, she's also been very stressed with another family issue involving her aister. She said she wanted me out the house. But I don't want to leave yet. Because I don't want to sacrifice this time living with our daughter. Because I'm too afraid to take that step. And because I don't want to be pushed around. It feels like she's getting her own way with everything else, and maybe I'm trying to hang on to a shred of control.
She Wants Me To Move Out
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Because me and my wife are separating, and there's no room or garden for the dog in our new flats, we had to find him a new home. He'll be loved and looked after, and have a great life. But I've dreaded this day, because it's the first step of dismantling my family, and my life as it is. Also I've got COVID and feel like shite. So I'm practicing looking at all this in terms of moving forwards, rather than just one painfully dragged out experience. I'm still practicing, to be honest.
Our Dog Moved Out Today
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It's hard to give up hope in a beautiful fantasy. But that delusion is a passive and powerless state. It doesn't help. It just makes it hurt more. "It's not about giving up hope, it's about shifting it onto something that you can control. You don't have to lose the light entirely, just shift it onto something realistic." I allowed myself the glimmer of hope that things might be getting better. That just made me fall hard when reality hit again. I explain it more articulately is this post: https://manfindsmeaning.com/how-to-give-up-hope/
The Danger Of Hope
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Since my wife told me she'd lost respect for me, and that's why she's leaving me, something has changed in me. I've found myself being much more decisive, conscientious and driven. I haven't even felt like drinking. And the other day she told me she was thinking about the future, and the possibility that we might get back together. I'm not deluding myself that this means everything is ok. But it was lovely to see her soften.
Is She Having A (slight) Change of Heart?
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Me and my wife are separating. I bought her a gift the other day. And she came and sat in my bed and tearfully said thank you. Then she lay down beside me and we cuddled, for the first time in a long while. It was lovely. But it doesn't change how she feel. Because she lost respect for me, and as she says "How can I have sex with someone I don't respect?". It hit hard. Since then something has changed in me. I don't feel like drinking. I've been focussed and working hard. More decisive. Only this time, not just out of desperation or overcompensating. I just feel like it. I want to build respect for myself. Whether it'll change anything with her, I don't know. Probably not. But it feels good. Like the right thing to do and the best way forward.
Love Is Not Enough. It Takes Respect As Well.
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I'm going through a separation, and it's painful. But today was a good day. Here's why. To survive this and move forwards, I'm having to step up and face things I've previously avoided. Like my finances for example. Today I've been nailing my business accounts, and I've got more done than I thought I would. Doing that raises my self-esteem and gives me a sense of progress and growth. And I just wanted to share that with you. ------- WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT: I'm separating from my wife. We have a two-year-old daughter. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. But something inside me is activated by this. So I'm documenting my journey. Because it helps me articulate my thoughts and feelings. And it feels meaningful to share it with you. HERE'S MY BLOG : www.ManFindsMeaning.com
I Just Had A Great Day. Here's Why.
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"Women, children and animals are loved unconditionally. Men are loved to the degree that they are useful". The main reason my wife is leaving me is that I am no longer useful to her. She doesn't need me. And the main reason for that is my failure to take responsibility. www.ManFindsMeaning.com
Men Are Loved To The Degree That They Are Useful
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Separating from my wife, we're selling the house. We have a two-year-old. It's devastating. Today my best friend was a true friend and told me to stop moping and take action. So I called a mediation company and two mortgage brokers. And I feel a little better. ------- WHAT THS IS ALL ABOUT: I'm separating from my wife. We have a two-year-old daughter. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. But something inside me is activated by this. So I'm documenting my journey. Because it helps me articulate my thoughts and feelings. And it feels meaningful to share it with you. HERE'S MY BLOG: www.ManFindsMeaning.com
Take The First Step. Not Later Today, Right Now.
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Just came off a call with Tom Waller, a business coach and mentor. We talked about Man Finds Meaning, what I'm going through in my life, and the value of documenting it. Thanks Tom. https://drtomwaller.com/ ------- WHAT THS IS ALL ABOUT: I'm separating from my wife. We have a two-year-old daughter. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. But something inside me is activated by this. So I'm documenting my journey. Because it helps me articulate my thoughts and feelings. And it feels meaningful to share it with you. HERE'S MY BLOG: www.ManFindsMeaning.com
Good To Get Some Validation.
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